Rainy morning moan

It’s hardly news to anyone that the rain can seriously dampen the spirits, especially when you have to get on a smelly bus to work between Widnes & Liverpool. The only consolation is that you’re not the only poor sap sat on a dusty seat, trapped in a sardine tin on wheels smelling of people’s farts and drudgery. Oh and because you’re leaving Widnes at 40mph on average. Rainy starts can be horrible.


I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Widnes but let me paint you a picture; last night I was awoken by one of two police helicopters beaming down their searchlights into my garden like the hand of god smiting down the survivors of a nuclear war because the only people left are chavs or idiots. Don’t get me wrong, Widnes has some really nice people and places there but if you add rain to the general atmosphere of the town it’s like someone pissing on a pile of socks, rolling them into a bin bag and then stamping on them crying out the national anthem.


I’m not the only poor sod longing for the soft embrace of a car seat when I sit on a bus though. Or the weight of the £4.60 I saved on the fare, rattling happily in my pocket.

If anything, buses are vessels of hope because the monotony of sitting on them, stopping at every bloody stop when you’re late for work, serve only to inspire your swift departure back into the safety of open space. As I type this the bus driver is singing happily away in his cabin, I’m not surprised since he’s safe from the farts and disease in his air-tight cabin. He’s like that priest during the plague in his glass room, or just the Pope in a glorified popemobile leading his flock into the great unknown. Imagine if there were bus space ships? I reckon they would stink of fart and sadness too.


I just feel sorry for you having read all of this but it’s not all bad. Even if I’m moaning about the smelly bus, at least the driver is trying to spread cheer. There will always be people doing that and they should be cherished. If everyone was fed up because of the weather or their situation we’d still be back in the stone age; or maybe not because moaning made the cave man get off his arse and fix his cave with stone age mod cons. Who knows? I’ll stop moaning now though and let you grab a morning brew.


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